May Sarton and Knitting

"I look forward with joy to the years ahead and especially to the surprises that the day may bring."

...May Sarton

In this photo, I am holding my 2 week old great grand daughter, Isabella. This is one of the most special joys that I could ever have experienced this week. And, each day brings an abundance of joys.

Today, I started reading May Sarton's book, At Seventy...A Journal. Within a few pages I found that this journal is inspired and uplifting and honest. Last week, I read her journal At Eighty-Two and it was so moving to be a part, through reading, of someone's daily life. I believe this was her last journal before she died. May Sarton can teach us how wo age with grace and courage.

A number of years ago, I had decided to begin collecting books that I wanted to read when I retired. I have a large collection of May Sarton's books on a shelf, as I collected them one by one mostly through purchases on Ebay. In addition to those books, I collected a number of shelves of books of poetry. I have them in alphabetical order on four shelves built on the wall. Each shelf is about 5 feet long, here in my office. The Sarton books are together on a shelf in a hutch nearby. On the other two shelves of that hutch are collections of poetry on tape, by the authors of that poetry. And, there are more books on poetry, writing poetry, and other books that are poetry related. These shelves are probably 4 feet long. I have lots of poetry books. I am wild about good poetry.

On some other shelves, are books by and about Native Americans, and books by and about German authors and Germanic culture. These are all things that hold special interest for me.
And, yet, other shelves hold art books. I am an artist and was an art professor.

Why do I love these books so much? I collected them for years, in anticipation of my retirement from my teaching position at a college where I taught in the Arts and Humanities program. This was to be how I would spend the years of my retirement. I would be reading all these books.

Something unexpected happened to me nearly two years ago. I lost much of my eyesight. Now, I cannot ever read all the books that surround me. At least, I cannot read them with my eyes. But, I love knowing the books are here, surrounding me, and lifting my spirits at just their presence.

I plan to read these books in my retirement, just as I have always planned to do. But, now, the books will be read by listening to them on tape. I have begun this reading project. I have begun by reading the two books by May Sarton that I spoke about in my opening sentences.

My daughter reminded me recently that now I can both read the books, and can knit at the same time. Thus, I am doing two things I love to do. Reading and Knitting. It's great! I find joy in every day, and will find joy in the years ahead and especially the new surprises that today may bring. Thank you, May, for speaking to my heart today.

What I did about it...

After searching for some kind of help for over five months, I finally got connected with the Bureau of Blindness and Vision Loss in Erie, PA. It did not happen quickly or easily. Two of my doctors had to place several phone calls before I finally got some help and support. Meanwhile, during the five months, I turned to knitting.

I had started working on a sweater for the Knit for Kids Program, through Guideposts Magazine. I had one about half finished when I lost my sight. I picked up that unfinished scarf, and thought I would just TRY to knit again, without vision. It was not easy. I stumbled about for days. Finally, I had to force myself to just close my eyes and begin to let my fingers begin to take the place of my eyes. I had to learn to have finesse, and search the yarn and needles for information to know what I was doing with that yarn and needles. It was slow going. But, finally I began to do it again. What a thrill, when I could actually knit in the dark!

Knitting was my life savor during those five months of waiting and searching for help. I knitted away, finishing SIX sweaters for kids. I was so happy to once again be doing something for somebody else. It made me forget my own troubles and frustrations. I literally spent five months sitting in a corner in a big rocking chair knitting my days away.

Finally, in April of 2009 I was sent to the School for Blind and Vision Rehabilitation Services in Homestead, PA. It was a residential program, where I would remain as a student for the next 14 months. Next, I will write about my adventure at the BVRS progeram...and what I faced during those weeks of learning to live as a blind person.

New Beginnings

It has been nearly two years since I was able to access my blog and to write on the computer. I am so excited to be sitting here at my computer and doing things I used to do with ease. You see, I have had a life altering experience through the loss of most of my eyesight. The cause was Ischemic Optic Neuropathy. Yes, I had never heard of such a thing before myself! It is a rare condition, I learned. I have met only one other person who has it, and I will talk more about that the next time. For now, I just want to say that I am very happy to be writing here once again. I will be posting photos again, and writing again. I have NO IDEA of anyone reads my blog any more or not, but I will write anyway. It feels so GOOD to be able to do it.

My sight left in two stages, very quickly. First, on January first 2007 my left eye went. I was at the gym, and I noticed that my vision was blurry. I commented to my husband that "I don't know what is wrong, but I just cannot see today." Subsequently, I went to the doctors and quickly learned I did not have an eye problem, but I had a medical emergency. Blood tests were done to determine if I had a systemic illness or disease. I did not. Then, I had surgery on my right artery in my temple to remove part of it so determine if I had temporal arteritis...I did not. I am so thankful for that. Finally, the diagnosis was confirmed and I learned about my condition, Ischemic Optic Neuropathy!

I was told that most people only have it on one side. I did not need to worry, I could still manage to see to do my work, but with difficulty. I had problems knowing where things were in space. I had problems reading. But, I continued on, teaching my classes and living my life as usual, but with care and a bit of caution.

I searched the internet for this condition. I soon saw that most people DO get it on both sides, and lose vision in both eyes. I had 10 more months before that happened to me. About the end of October 2007 I again had the severe headaches and my vision began to blur. Once again, I was hit by this condition but now in the other eye.

Next, I will write about what I did after I experienced this sudden sight loss. I have told you what happened, and now I will tell you what I did about it to change my circumstances.

I'm BACK...

In October 2007, shortly after doing my final blog here, I lost most of my eyesight. It has been a long journey since then. I have Ischemic Optic Neuropathy, which is like a stroke behind the eyes and causes vision loss as the optical nerve is destroyed because of lack of oxygen when the stroke occurs. I will write more next time on this journey over the past 20 monrhs. I will write about what happened to me, what I did about it, and what I am learning in the process of it all. It is a new adventure!